Two trips to Canada for two beautiful weddings in the past six weeks.
It’s fascinating and marvelous to watch my friends get married. I can’t even describe to you how beautiful they looked - Laura beaming and sparkling through the whole ceremony, and Eva calm and regal and effortless. They both got married under wide blue skies on sunny summer Saturdays, both carried wildflower bouquets. Both weddings made me want to throw my arms around all of it, everything, the grass and the cornfields, the china teacups, the maple syrup favors, the parents giving speeches about their babies growing up.
Laura hand painted wooden signs and made centerpieces. I sipped on blueberry wine from Eva’s winery, and we danced to rollicking banjo played by her dad’s band. Laura handed out sparklers, Eva strung up homemade piñatas. I could see their work and their love in every detail. How lucky, how amazing to be allowed to be a part of it.
I lived with Laura for two years, Eva for three - or four if you count all the time we spent in each other’s dorm rooms. It’s been five years since I graduated and moved back to the US. Anything I could say about the quick passage of time would sound trite. I’ll say it’s unbelievable though, the way we grow up and into new lives we never imagined. Weddings make me feel astonished and in love. In love with Ben, yes, but also in love with the idea of honoring our choices, our changes, our brave steps down an aisle or a dance floor or big city street. In love with the idea of being fearless, of saying yes, I do, I will to whatever is coming for us, whatever will be.
1. If you feel like there are things in the way of you getting your writing done, make a list of those things. Then see which of them are physically tangible (a family member who needs your help, for example, or long hours at your day job) and which of those things are emotional or ego-related. Which is to say this: Which of your stressors are real, and which are imagined? Then start crossing off the things that are imagined from your list. You will find you have more room to write.
2. Write a letter to yourself about what your writing means to you so that you can remember why you do it and why you need it in your life.
3. Remember that you are privileged to live in a country that allows you to express yourself privately and publicly, and that you are privileged to have money to purchase writing utensils, pens, paper, a computer, and you are privileged to have any amount of spare time to worry about your bullshit so why don’t you just use that time to write instead?