I’m beginning to realize that there is a certain kind of loneliness that has nothing to do with being alone. While the natural reaction is to reach out to someone else, this kind of loneliness is actually aggravated by talking to other people. Trying to remedy it through interaction leaves one feeling frustrated and drained, like spending the day at work with a very bad cold.
Other useless self-medications:
bad tv
candy
introspection
Paul Thomas Anderson and Fiona Apple.
It just makes a lot of sense to me.
Nicole Atkins - The Way It Is
I like to turn the volume way up and belt this one out on the way to work. It has a kind of old-fashioned romantic intensity about it. If I ever write a screenplay for an epic love story, remind me to include this song on the soundtrack.
I really, really don’t know how to be a grownup, ok? I kind of didn’t realize (care) that it was a BIG DEAL to register your car on time. I got a ticket. And then I tried to pay the ticket online and it told me that it hadn’t been entered into the system yet and they’d email me. (What? You’ll email ME when it’s CONVENIENT for me to pay YOU? I hate this.) And then they never did. So then I registered my car online but didn’t realize I needed to change my address since we had moved. So I paid for a registration that never arrived and my registration is still expired and I haven’t done anything about it. And then I had a low tire, but I figured it would be ok to wait a couple days to put air in it since for the past two days I’ve been leaving for work at 6 AM and getting home around 9:30 PM. (Also, I don’t know how to put air in my tires?) And then it wasn’t ok. This morning I had a flat tire. At that point, honest to god, my first thought was “Fuck it! Who needs tires! I’m driving right now, aren’t I? I’ll just drive to work and deal with it later.”
Also: health insurance? I don’t have any. I need to enroll for benefits with my company in the next two days and I don’t have any idea what the hell I’m doing. I AM the car with three tires. “Fuck it! Who needs insurance? I’m alive right now, aren’t I?”
Sometimes I feel just like Cher in that scene in Clueless where she’s wandering the streets aimlessly in a pair of knee high white socks and a transparent blouse while “All By Myself” plays in the background.
It’s strange how after a couple of 13 hour work days you start to feel a little bit invincible. You have thighs like tree trunks from standing for 8 hours and then lifting and squatting with stacks of dinner plates for another 5. You consider taking on another job. They’re hiring a new bellman? Bring it on! you think.
And then you come home at noon one day and pass out for four hours. You wake up with your contacts stuck in your eyes and wonder if you’re cut out for the working world at all. You consider marrying rich.
Frightened Rabbit - The Twist
The twist is that you’re just like me,
you need company, you need human heat.
You know Hef is totally regretting breaking up with Bridget today. No one could throw a theme party like that girl.
I would like to suggest that Hocus Pocus is the film that binds my generation together in shared nostalgia.
Space - Female of the Species
Oh she deals in witchcraft
and one kiss and I’m zapped.
And he showed me things,
many beautiful things,
that I hadn’t thought to explore.
They were off my path, so I never had dared,
I had been so careful, I never had cared.
And he made me feel excited - well,
excited and scared.
And I know things now,
many valuable things,
that I hadn’t known before.
Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood.
They will not protect you the way that they should.
And take extra care with strangers,
even flowers have their dangers,
and though scary is exciting,
nice is different than good.
