End of Fashion - O Yeah I sometimes imagine...
If I had a nickel
for every time I held myself back from flipping someone off at work today, I’d probably have, like, at least a dollar.
Internal Struggle of the Thoughtless Mind
Thought A: It’s 9 PM. I’m so tired. I should probably go to sleep. Thought B: But if I go to bed now, I’ll miss Dancing Tweens on TLC. Thought C: This is why I don’t have friends.
An Actual Phone Conversation
Woman: Hello, maybe you can help me.
Me: Sure, what can I do for you?
Woman: I need directions to an event.
Me: Ok, what event are you looking for?
Woman: I think it's a band or a play. It's called... The Cold Play.
I Will Hack My Way Through Existence Alone
I return to the Complete Poems of Anne Sexton like a believer to the Bible. When I’m unhappy, I pull out a relevant verse and use it to make sense out of my life. The binding has completely come unglued from my copy - a testament to my love for it. By next Monday night, I will have worked 60 hours over the course of 7 consecutive days. This will be followed by a solitary day off. Have I...
…the grass as bristly and stout as chives, and me wondering when the...– Anne Sexton, The Abortion
This is the sort of thing that can elicit entirely...
I’m depressed and yesterday my closet broke and all my clothes came crashing down and maybe broke my printer which was on the shelf, and my phone is breaking because it’s 100 years old, and I just want to eat lots of and lots of french fries and maybe get drunk, but mostly the fries thing.
Five words that get my attention: “Alanis Morissette and Alicia Silverstone.” Oh my gosh, why isn’t this a real movie? I would go out and see it immediately - shitty sound quality and all. Then I’d buy the soundtrack. I’m the audience they’re making fun of. I like to think I’m self-aware enough to be ok with this.
Why Did I Buy All Those Damn Books Anyway
I just tried to de-stress by building a bookshelf. I mean, all the parts were delivered today, it’s not like I’m a carpenter or something. But they were big and heavy and plentiful. There were over 15 large wooden pieces and about a million tiny things, like screws and other things that connect to things (shut up I have no idea what I’m talking about). Sometimes laborious...
Name on a Tax Exempt Form
The other day an older woman came into the lobby of the hotel. She was thin, with Bette Davis eyes, and looked a little bit lost. I noticed her because she seemed both strong and frail, like a dancer, and my immediate thought was that she was with the visiting New York City ballet, even though they aren’t staying at our hotel. Some sort of ballet instructor, perhaps? My thoughts on her ended...
When People Stop Being Polite...
A personality type with whom I find myself incompatible: people who say things like “I keep it real. I always say exactly what’s on my mind. I’ll always be upfront and tell you the truth to your face.” This is code for: “I have a complete lack of regard for social discretion, your feelings, and tact in general. I also feel that I am above the need for a verbal filter...
I’m the only living person in Glendora.
This Week, In Summary
Get up at 5, go to work, come home, dance around my room to “Glendora” and “The Frug,” go to sleep, repeat.
A Very Very Very Fine House
I recently stumbled across this furniture website (via this tumblr) that manufactures the furniture of my fantasies (see photos below). While my mind tells me that most of it is outlandishly ornate and would probably only look good in a castle, my heart keeps fluttering about how I could certainly use a couple of double-doored armoires, a gilt dressing screen, and a chaise lounge or two. On the...
File Under: Things I Hate
Unpleasant smells that become vastly more objectionable due to their context. Case in point: the luke warm food smell of a cafeteria - namely, the break room at work. Somehow, familiarity only makes it worse. It smells like: boredom inevitability exhaustion discomfort all cooling into a soggy, tepid wretchedness.
Jenny Lewis- See Fernando I’m obsessed with it.
Guys, I can’t cook. I don’t claim to be able to, I don’t have much interest in it, I don’t try recipes I’m clearly incapable of making. One thing I am confident about, however, is my ability to cook a frozen pizza in the oven. I do it a couple times a week at least. I think it’s safe to say I’ve pretty much got it down. Nope. Yesterday I attempted to...
Aimee Mann - 4th of July Today’s the fourth...
Another Post On How Much I Hate Change
Lonely holidays have a way of making me feel terribly sorry for myself. I missed last year’s fourth of July, as I spent it in Canada. I was disappointed and missing the US with a wistful patriotism I hadn’t really experienced until that point. Now I’m back, but I’m still spending the night indoors, by myself, listening to the neighbors shoot of fireworks in their backyard....
Where At Least I Know I'm Free?
I’ve always enjoyed the fact that the dress code for the 4th of July (shorts, tank tops, flip flops, american flag bandanas) is similar to that of a Texan trailer park. I imagine that it’s pretty much Independence Day year round in the south. In honor of today’s holiday, I’ll only post clothes in festive colors. Because nothing says America like a little redwhiteandblue...
On The Bright Side...
One of the benefits of having a laptop is the ability to bring it into the bathroom for the excruciatingly dull (and usually extended) period of time between the moment you realize you need to throw up and the moment this goal is finally actualized. PS: I’m sick, you guys!
Don't Look Me In The Mouth
I really really like buying presents for people*. I never understand why other people dread Christmas shopping. Wandering around the mall for hours, looking for the perfect gift is one of my favorite things to do. If I don’t have much time, 45 minutes in Target will also easily do the trick. Multiple presents are always better than one. Unless your present is really really good, or I am...